OARS

Four core skills for drawing people out rather than pushing them inward. Below are just helpful notes about how to hold these.

Open Questions

• Invite deeper reflection and storytelling rather than yes/no answers.
• Help the person explore their thoughts, feelings, and motivations.
• Be curious about where they take the conversation.

Affirmations (and Apologies)

• Recognize strengths, efforts, or values you hear in what the person says.
• Builds rapport and encourages self-efficacy.
• Look for how the good ways in which God created them.

Reflective Listening

• Paraphrase or mirror what they’ve said to show understanding and invite deeper insight.
• Reflect back to make sure you do understand clearly - pursue shared understanding
• This also helps people hear their own thoughts in a clearer way.

Summaries

• You can notice together themes or key points from the conversation if that comes up naturally for you.
• Reinforces what’s been said and provides clarity or transition.

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